omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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