i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
