If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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