allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
