I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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