I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I want a musical about memes.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
