he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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