now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Randomize
