why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
