This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
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I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
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We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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