imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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