Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
