I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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