she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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