You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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