keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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