And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I deserve this hangover.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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