Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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