You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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