Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
