We're facebook friends in real life
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
it's like iHOP with fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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