party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The adults are the big ones right?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
