I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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