they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
