Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
