he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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