I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
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How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
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Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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