My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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