5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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