He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
