We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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