my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
