I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize