We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
it's like heaven, but drunker
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
