I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Randomize
