You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
