I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
