I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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