my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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