Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
