I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
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