I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
