how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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