For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
