is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Randomize
