If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
