I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize