You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
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also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
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Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.