Texts From Last Night

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  (424): View more from California

  The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.

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  (424): The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration. http://tfl.nu/aroj
  Replies (6) Good night (807) Bad night (1565)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared

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  (202): I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared http://tfl.nu/a5x9
  Replies (29) Good night (1065) Bad night (1470)
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  (925): View more from California

  is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?

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  (925): is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong? http://tfl.nu/a78d
  Replies (53) Good night (4879) Bad night (1483)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.

  (1-623): View more from Arizona

  Where are you?

  (623): View more from Arizona

  A place I should not be.

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  (623): Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors. (1-623): Where are you? (623): A place I should not be. http://tfl.nu/jfq9
  Replies (19) Good night (3883) Bad night (643)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.

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  (407): so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it. http://tfl.nu/5uvk
  Replies (33) Good night (1555) Bad night (4575)
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  (562): View more from California

  Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on

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  (562): Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on http://tfl.nu/30zy
  Replies (38) Good night (2521) Bad night (7753)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester

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  (405): just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester http://tfl.nu/cozs
  Replies (3) Good night (873) Bad night (2551)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity

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  (218): He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity http://tfl.nu/7l4i
  Replies (5) Good night (910) Bad night (459)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.

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  (815): I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes. http://tfl.nu/i72f
  Replies (7) Good night (1879) Bad night (492)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.

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  (847): I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday. http://tfl.nu/eqk0
  Replies (4) Good night (958) Bad night (639)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.

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  (563): I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud. http://tfl.nu/0vsx
  Replies (9) Good night (1256) Bad night (618)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.

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  (303): Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/mon2
  Replies (7) Good night (620) Bad night (319)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.

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  (678): She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away. http://tfl.nu/rg5h
  Replies (3) Good night (707) Bad night (257)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

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  (330): ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL. http://tfl.nu/f5ew
  Replies (2) Good night (637) Bad night (251)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?

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  (773): Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right? http://tfl.nu/8uh3
  Replies (1) Good night (322) Bad night (555)

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