Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(443): View more from Maryland

You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding

Fav 51 1019 7550
share tweet
(214): View more from Texas

Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.

Fav 36 6434 767
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(318): View more from Louisiana

Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.

Fav 31 4894 1117
share tweet
(813): View more from Florida

It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"

Fav 14 6962 1201
share tweet
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(413): View more from Massachusetts

also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner

Fav 4 2422 1269
share tweet
(712): View more from Iowa

He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.

Fav 8 2095 3818
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(715): View more from Wisconsin

I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?

(651): View more from Minnesota

Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better

Fav 5 2446 924
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(704): View more from North Carolina

My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.

(716): View more from New York

The apple don't fall far from that tree.

Fav 4 1010 626
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(440): View more from Ohio

I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.

Fav 0 50 10
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT