Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.