I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
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I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
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In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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