He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr