I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way