Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
