On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
