I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
