i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
