I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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