Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
