you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
COCAINE IS GR8
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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