I hate all girls vehemently.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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