I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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