Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
