i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
