So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
