laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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