just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
