Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize