Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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