just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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