I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
