Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He has the fingertips of a God
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